Batfink's Beep -- 03-23-06

Lou Dobbs cracks up

March 23, 2006

Lou Dobbs is losing his shit. And fast; by that, I mean, practically before our eyes. In just the last few weeks, he's noticeably, palpably crazier. Something is biting this guy ugly, and they better call the fellows with the white suits and the butterfly nets, because it feels a lot like there's a hell of a wreck coming.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "'Lou Dobbs'?? Who's he?" And, actually, that may just be part of the problem. I'll get to that in a moment; but for now, let me start by saying that I wouldn't know either, except that I happen to walk to the cafeteria at work about the same time every early evening for some coffee, and the big-screen TV in there is perpetually tuned to CNN. Lou Dobbs is sort of like a newsreader, of what CNN is wont to call news, anyway. He is a middle-aged guy, with a big, fleshy white-bread face, and looks sort of like a fat Hugh Downs. He's not flashy or edgy; just a regular-looking, meat-headed, grey-haired, look-how-earnest-and-old-school-I-am kind of guy who looks like he just stepped out of the anchor chair of the local news in any small town in America.

He used to sound like that, too, as far as I could tell in the admittedly few minutes I had a look at him weeknights as I passed by the screen. His delivery was earnest, his mannerisms the kind of studied, brow-furrowed, listening-oh-so-carefully moves that Barbara Walters holds the patent on. If you turned down the sound, you might just think he was telling you the truth, if for no other reason than that he doesn't seem sharp enough to lie. The content, of course, was always the sort of twaddle only a CNN could think matters, but the delivery was as measured and bland as you could want.

But, brother, that's not what is going on now.

The sound was set pretty low, so this evening I saw him at first more than I heard him. And he looked notably agitated. It caught my attention, because it just didn't look right -- there was an odd glare in his eyes. So I got closer to the speakers to see what was up, just in time to hear him, no fooling, now, ranting directly to Director of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff. He was addressing Mr. Chertoff. Now, mind, he hadn't been interviewing Mr. Chertoff -- he had just presented a snippet about something Mr. Chertoff had said to the press earlier in the day. He was talking to the camera. Talking to us. And he was ranting, into the camera, AT Michael Chertoff. It was bizarre, surreal, and, frankly, he looked unhinged.

Why is Mr. Dobbs decompensating? Well, he could just be off his lithium, I guess. But things haven't been going all that well for CNN lately, and I think it could be a creeping sense of irrelevance that is eating Dobbs. I don't know if you'd heard, but it was reported yesterday that Gallup, the polling mill, was ending its long-standing relationship with CNN. The reason they give is that, given CNN's falling ratings and viewership, they would get more eyeballs (that's the word used in a for-internal-distribution-only letter from a Gallup exec that was leaked to the press) from a newly inked deal to be on AOL's homepage than they are ever likely to get from their prominent placement on the network that employs Mr. Dobbs. They feel over at Gallup that the CNN name is diluting and degrading their brand, and are looking for more credible placements.

That's gotta sting. So much so, that CNN felt the need to release a heated missive saying that the letter was wrong on the facts, and unprofessional to boot. They actually claim that Gallup is leaving the partnership because CNN is such a giant, such a tower of credibility, that the Gallup name was suffering in comparison. Yeah, because THAT'S how it works... You just can't make this stuff up, folks.

Obviously, the CNN folks have seen better days. But if they're looking for the way back to respectability, or at least better market share, it's unlikely that the way Dobbs is melting down is going to help. If they want crazy, they should give it to, say, an Anderson Cooper. You don't expect sanity from someone like him. But when a bland, middle-aged marshmallow like Lou Dobbs flips his lid, that just plain looks bad.

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Revised: 05/19/08 08:07:10 -0400 .